Having no faith
09/10/2016 Alli 0I have reached a point where I have, or at least feel like I have no faith! Why? I have been dealing with the same addictive issues with my husband for almost 20 years. And although I believe there is a God and I believe Jesus came and died on the cross for us and I believe in salvation and that I am saved. I just question the whole having faith!
And if that is not the actual question to be posing. Then it leads me to additional questions, or rather thoughts. What does it look like to God to have someone continue to pray and ask for very specific changes in an individual who is so much a part of your life (my husband) and in which everything he does or doesn’t do for that matter affects me and our family. So prayers on my knees filled with tears continue to take place very frequently. And….for the absolute most part – things stay relatively the same.
So…..that then leads me to the next thought or question;
The God we serve, is he really that cruel? I sat in my youngest sons 1st class toda a a homeschool academy and listened to the tutor talk about Noah’s Ark and the flood. Well…..I do know the story, but this just dawned on me. God whipped out ALL people: children, babies, grandmas, grandpas, etc. Why? Because they ALL were vicious! Now how can ALL of them be vicious? How in the world can a baby be so vicious? They have not sinned. So whey would they be annialated? Cruel? In my opinion – Yes!
So let’s now fast forward to my very eventful night. My husband and I had an EXTREME fight. He left very angrily and had the tell tale signs of another suicide attempt. Involving his youngest child and his oldest child who is away at school and who has been apart of previous suicide attempts in the past. Actually the year anniversary being this week. The sheer terror in my kids and myself brings us back to so many eventful times that we wish to not have to rehash! Especially with our daughter being away at college with her own stresses.
So…..back to the queston or thought:
Is God cruel? My answer would have to be “yes”. I do apologize if this angers or rubs you the wrong way Lord. But what I am willing to do is dig much deeper, analyze and find more substance to this statement.
Do I think God still performs miracles and answers prayers? Why yes of course! Prayers were answered tonight when JD came home. Even if he was met by 4 police officers down the road to ensure his safety. This was a direct result from me and our daughter calling 9-1-1!