A year ago this past December, my husband went through treatment.  At this time I’m not going into much detail about our past, and things that led to his treatment.  I will just fill in when needed.  Our past could become quite lengthy and I have another blog where these are more in-depth.

A year ago, my husband came to a T in the road with regards to his drinking and addictions.  I was fed up, he knew it was the end of the rope and this pushed him to the end of the road.  He attempted suicide, and fortunately it failed.  After spending time in the psychiatric ward at the local hospital, he went to treatment.  During this time, his uncle BY, came from California to help out in this situation.

I have always gone to LY and BY for advise and help in many situations.  Mostly in regards to JD.  BY had parents who were alcoholics, he had struggles with alcohol too and he and his wife were strong Christian influences in my life.  It was a blessing to have them during such a tragic time.  In addition, they know much of the past due to our relationship.  JD has been somewhat close to BY, they are more like brothers since they are only a little over 10 years apart.

However……I’m now afraid I have made a bit of a mistake!  I regret letting someone in so close, trusting so much, giving too much information and leaving ourselves so vulnerable to them.  Why?  Because it is now coming back to (at the present time) haunt us!  I know there are lessons and blessings to be gained from hurts, but right now it’s hard to come up for a breath of air at times.

For the past 3 years, we have all gone on a family vacation in addition to 2 other families.  This has always been a highlight of our summer.  This past summer, JD had a complete blowup at LY and BY.  And this incident has prompted EVERYTHING to be magnetized to it.  Everything – past and present are associated with this incident.  And it all falls on the blame of JD.  Well……according to LY and BY.

Tomorrow I will explain the “BIG Blowup”.  Until then……I’m really tired and need to get some sleep.  Our son has a basketball tournament starting tomorrow (Sat.) at 8a.m.  Goodnight!

Not even sure how to begin writing this post.  It’s probably going to be very scrambled and jumbled because right now……my brain is that way.  I am hoping that writing my thoughts down will enable me to gather them?!  So if you are reading this, and have a hard time following – I’m truly sorry for this!  This post is more of a way for me to unload, gather, vent, and try to make some sense of a very difficult situation in my life right now.

It has almost been a week since I last spoke with LY (my aunt-in-law).  This conversation ended with me hanging up on her, after she brought me to tears with her slamming JD, his past, the mistakes he has made (mistakes he has asked forgiveness for), hurts he has caused, and ”things” they see from a distance – these all were unloaded on me in a very consistent, verbal manner.  Which brought me to tears.  And I asked (several times) for her to please stop.  I had heard enough, I don’t want to continue to rehash this over and over again.  She continued – I hung up.

Later that evening I did receive a call on my cell phone from her.  I did not feel like answering the phone.  I didn’t want to continue this conversation, didn’t want to (again) have my heart pound so hard that it could be seen and felt outside of my body, and was still in shock and majorly hurt.  So I let the phone call go.  Figuring if she wanted to leave a message, she would.

Well the message thing?  Come to find out, after spending some time on the phone with our phone carrier – all of my voice mails were going to a different number.  A number I have NO idea who it belongs to.  They couldn’t tell me.  All they could tell me was that changes are never made to an account unless it is by an authorized user.  We have 3, and this was not done by any of them.  They continued to inform me that I am unable to retrieve any voice mails – they are ???????  The problem has apparently been corrected.  But that does’t help me now.  I figured people didn’t leave any messages when they called, since nothing would appear that I ever had a message.

Anyhow…….I have no idea if a message was left or not!  And if so……I have no idea what the message said – and I never will because it’s lost ________??????  Maybe I’m not suppose to hear this particular message?!  Maybe this was suppose to happen this way?!  You NEVER know just how the Lord works.  All we know is - it is a mystery!

I want to jot down my thoughts/experience(s) through this whole issue/ordeal.  Mainly because I’m still in awe over it, I can’t comprehend it totally and it STILL does not make any sense to me.  I have come to some minor conclusions.  But that being said, it brings me to more questions and concerns.  This is a process for me, and I know it will end up being lengthy.

I’m going to briefly list some conclusions:

1. This is ALL about money.  (They have an investment in our business.  They own 2% as a result of thier investment.)

2. Self righteousness

3. Harboured anger, resentment, and hurt

4. Pride

5. Failure to admit own wrongs (which would fall under pride)

6. Stuck in past relationship rolls (can’t break past patterns)

These will be expanded upon in the days to come.

IMG_9867, a photo by AndThatsOkay on Flickr.

I am so thankful that Faith has a group of girlfriends that live for The Lord!!
The 2 girls on the far left, she has known since the 2nd grade. Their friendship has grown over the years into a lifelong friendship.
The friend standing on her left is from her volleyball team, which she has played on the same team for 3 years together. And the friend standing behind her is from church. They have recently come to know one another better through youth group and other activities.
I am so blessed to know she hangs out with girlfriends that have the same love for The Lord and respect one another!

Have you ever looked closely at your can opener?

I was opening a can of tuna today and noticed just how gross the round gear thingy is. 
Let’s just say I was disgusted!  And immediately had to clean it!!!!

Fortunately I remembered to take a before and after picture – just for you!

I do like the change of seasons.  I also do like snow. 

But I am looking so forward to spring and summer!  This winter season has been very loooooong!!

As you can see from the picture – I plow our driveway – with my 2 year old with.

He absolutely loves it!

This particular day I had his winter stuff out right at the front door, ready to put on.  Why?  Because I knew that as soon as he heard me on the 4-wheeler, he would want to come out.

And I was right.  My mother was inside at that time.  He heard me and started running around saying, “boots-boots-boots!”  And gathering all of his winter stuff to have Nana put on him.  I did warn her about it, so she would know.

And……here we are!

This fascination might have started at a very young age during the previous winter.

I use to bundle him in his carseat, securly strap him down with wench straps to the back of the 4-wheeler.  All the while pulling the kids behind on sleds.  The wind at his backside, watching the kids sledding – what could be better?  He did love it!

Various sites are offering this Silhouette Giveaway.  You can enter just one, or all.

This device is awesome!

The things you can create are endless!
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Not JUST A Housewife

That’s my boy! My first born son, my oldest son and an awesome basketball player!

I love watching my children play sports! Actually I love watching my children do just about everything they do!
One of the many perks to homeschooling is – “I get to” see so much of their lives!!

MJ and Scott have a special bond.  A brother love.  Well sometimes it can be more of a “pestering” love.

It amazes me that at 2 years of age, MJ already pesters his older brother.  And visa versa.  But how MJ will poke Scott, knowing it will produce a pestering back.  Sometimes I just sit and watch this.

But most of all, I can’t tell you how it touches my heart to see the 2 interact with one another.  You can see for yourself in the slideshow.

However, Scott gets hugs like no other family member does!  That’s me included!!  MJ will come up to Scott, hug him, and not let go.  He will grab Scott’s leg while walking and not let go.  And of course he will sit right on top of Scott, bounce, get between Scott sitting with me on the couch and flick various objects at him too!

I love it all!  Having a toddler with older children is so much fun!  Much different raising MJ, than the first 2.

I can’t seem to get this subject of homosexuality and sin off my mind.   

While I was getting ready today.  I had the following thoughts: Who deems what is a sin?  God of course.  And we get the answers from the Bible.  Well at least I know that I do.  Some would argue this point, if they are not Christians.  But I think we all can agree that the basis for “right and wrong” originates from the Bible.    

Who has, and when was homosexuality deemed a sin?  My answer would be God, and the Bible.  With very specific passages, referencing this, in my last post.   

Who has, and when was adultry deemed a sin?  Again, the answer would be God and the Bible – His Word.   

Any sin could be listed and the answer would be the same.  God and the Bible.   

If we distort His Word and make our own rules, when will this ever come to an end?  Meaning……if homosexuality becomes acceptable as a sin, when will adultery become acceptable as a sin?  Both are listed in His Word as sins, sins originating from lust.  The feel good right now, pay later kind of sin.   

Then I thought about bringing this lifestyle, outwardly, to my home and family.  You see, I have very close relatives who are openly homosexuals – and I do not hate them because of this!    

However, I do not want it to be publicized to my children that this is a Godly way of life.  I receive direction from His Word on how to live.  And again – it states it very clearly that it is a sin.  I also wouldn’t want anyone to sit and talk about someone he/she is dating, sleeping with or having relations with – while being married. 

I love my sister-in-law, who steals from her parents to buy and use drugs.  Discussing her lifestyle with my children is not acceptable.  But she is still welcomed into my home at any time.   

The reference of “keeping it in the closet” is just as I have mentioned above.  It’s not about being a bigot.  It’s about following His Word and teaching our children to love one another, sinners alike.  But not tolerate the way of life that does not glorify God. 

I am far from perfect when it comes to sin!  And I try my best to acknowledge my shortcommings to myself, my family, God or whoever it has affected.  I struggle with sin just as everyone does.  So I’m NOT judgemental of sinners.  But I will continue to defend His Word, continue to teach my children His Word and hopefully have the strength to stand firm for God.  Even if it goes against the grain.   

And lastly, it always seems to come back to Christians being so judgemental.  How God is a God of love and we are not to be judgemental towards anyone – that’s God’s job.  And this is indeed correct!   

Answer: Romans 14:10-12 says, “For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat…so then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.” 2 Corinthians 5:10 tells us, “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.”

In the context, it is clear that both scriptures are referring to Christians, not unbelievers. The judgment seat of Christ, therefore, involves believers giving an account of their lives to Christ. The judgment seat of Christ does not determine salvation; that was determined by Christ’s sacrifice on our behalf (1 John 2:2) and our faith in Him (John 3:16).

All of our sins are forgiven, and we will never be condemned for them (Romans 8:1). We should not look at the judgment seat of Christ as God judging our sins, but rather as God rewarding us for our lives. Yes, as the Bible says, we will have to give an account of ourselves. Part of this is surely answering for the sins we committed. However, that is not going to be the primary focus of the judgment seat of Christ. 

At the judgment seat of Christ, believers are rewarded based on how faithfully they served Christ (1 Corinthians 9:4-27; 2 Timothy 2:5). Some of the things we might be judged on are how well we obeyed the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20), how victorious we were over sin (Romans 6:1-4), and how well we controlled our tongues (James 3:1-9).

The Bible speaks of believers receiving crowns for different things based on how faithfully they served Christ (1 Corinthians 9:4-27; 2 Timothy 2:5). The various crowns are described in 2 Timothy 2:5, 2 Timothy 4:8, James 1:12, 1 Peter 5:4, and Revelation 2:10. James 1:12 is a good summary of how we should think about the judgment seat of Christ: “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”

I came across a site (blog) and a posting on 10/11/10 regarding “National Coming Out Day”.  This particular post has been on my mind for a couple of days now.  Mainly because it’s a subject that irks me, moves me, and I quite simply have strong feelings about it.  Otherwise I wouldn’t be thinking about it so much.

The writer wrote this:  Last night I used the Human Rights Campaign’s handy little Facebook app to change my status to something about how I’m a straight ally to the cause, and not five minutes later I saw one of my “friends” had changed her status to say that she would not be changing her status, because she absolutely will not support people being proud of their sin, which should rightfully be “hidden in the closet.” I removed her from my friends list.

Because here’s the thing: I don’t really care what you think about people being gay. You are entitled to your opinion. Even if it’s wrong. (Kidding!) (Not really!) But when you start saying things designed to shame others, things indicating that you feel entitled to dictate to others that they are not just wrong but BAD and UNACCEPTABLE, now you’re treading in dangerous territory.

Later in the article she writes:  Here’s what I think: Teaching your children to be tolerant and compassionate is NOT OPTIONAL. Withhold that from your kids, and to me you’re no better than the parent who doesn’t feed the kid who’s been “naughty.” Raising your children to be kind members of society is part of your duty as a parent.

So I think you all get the idea of what is included throughout the article.  If you would like to read the post in its entirety, go here.

Back to what’s so bothering….

I DO NOT teach my children to “hate” or judge ANYONE!  Even if that person has committed a sin.  Neither does the Bible! 

It clearly states in Luke 6:41-42 and Matthew 7:3 to not look at the speck of sawdust in someone else’s eye, when you clearly have a plank sticking out of your own.  Removing a friend because he/she has a stance about something different than yours is doing just that. 

She obviously does care about others opinions regarding this matter, and has her own feelings towards anyone who disagrees with the lifestyle.  And it’s hypocritical!

In God’s Word (The Bible) there is NO degree to sin!  A sin is a sin – period!  We are not to hate the “sinner” (as we all are sinners) but we are to hate the “sin”!  This is the reference to the casting of the first stone on the sinner.  No one can because we ALL sin.

Let’s talk about sin.  More so, how humans and society have made some sins acceptable.  And if you do not follow this same belief, then you are a bigot.  We live in a culture that promotes: “If it feels good, do it!”  An attitude of: What’s wrong with feeling good, if it doesn’t hurt anyone!?  Being tolerant of sin promotes a broadened tolerance of “anything goes”!

Adultery feels good to the people who are committing it.  It’s called lust.  It’s a sin.  And remember – there is no degree to sin.  God views all sin in the same manner.  We as human beings cannot grasp this concept.  Therefore WE put varying degrees to sin.  Whether it’s acceptable based on how badly it hurts someone, or if it feels good to us – the degree of the sin committed is measured by humans – NOT God.

I have listed some verses supporting God’s viewpoint on homosexuality:

1 Corinthians 6:9-11 – “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.  And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

Leviticus 18:22 – “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.”

Leviticus 20:13 – “If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.”

Romans 1:26-27 – “Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.”

My own thoughts on homosexuality, since I was very young.  And this was not taught by my parents.  God created man and woman.  They FIT together.  Yes – in an intimate way.  And this “fitting” together in an intimate way, which God created for “husband and wife”, is also the ONLY way to reproduce.  God’s promise to Abraham: Abraham is to be the father of an innumerable seed.  This means reproduction!  How can this happen with same sex relations?  It can’t – We would be extinct!

Just as committing adultery is a sin – a sin beginning with lust.  Homosexuality is also a sin – a sin beginning with lust.

Now….back to the treating of each other!

Jesus was in the trenches ministering to the broken hearted.  Not so much in the royalty establishments.  And Jesus never talked bad, harassed or bullied anyone.  What he didn’t do is accept sin.  He prayed for the sinner.  THIS my friend is what we are called to do!

And I would not be following God’s Word if I hated, bullied, or harassed a sinner.  But I would also not be following God’s Word if I didn’t stand up and fight for what is in His Word!  

While the Old Testament focused on rules and consequences, the New Testament offers a message of love. There are some Christian homosexuals and there are those that desire deliverance from homosexuality. Rather than trying to be God and pass judgment on those individuals, a better option may be to offer prayers.